Touched by God... through chicken

"It's like God touched you with buffalo wings!"- a young, Israeli tourist on chicken wings from Duff's in Buffalo, NY

While quizzing the Davy Jones hipster scum...

Me: Do you even have a job?
Davy Jones hipster scum: I'm a waiter. I wait for very cool things to happen.

ROCK AND ROLL vs. RADICAL

"ROCK AND ROLL DUDES! RADICAL DUDES! You don't have a nose but you can cut my hair!"- a very drunk, Davy Jones look-a-like, hipster scum after I told him he should cut off his stupid hair

The logical end to a conversation about shitty beer

"Hot dogs are the Miller High Life of meat products." - a bespectacled playwright

Feminism just died a little bit more

"The vagina is a gaping hole where logic once existed."

- A straight dude discussing women with a young, depressed gay dude