Apocalypse Wow

Friend #1, to friend #2 who just returned from Vietnam: You wouldn't live in Vietnam?
Friend #2: No.
Friend #1: Why? Nice place to visit, better place to bomb?

The hits keep on coming

A drunk Columbian: You're a pretty girl, you know? Real sexy.
Me: Oh, thanks.
A drunk Columbian: No, I mean it. If you was ugly I'd tell you you were ugly.

Davy Jones hipster scum returns!

"I have a bag full of scabs. Can I tape them to your hair?"- Davy Jones hipster scum
"You're cut off."- me

One of the best things I've heard so far.

"I never wanted to have my own biological children. I just wanted to adopt because I'm adopted and it's kind of like karma. Meeting my wife made me realize I wanted biological children just to put more of her genes out in the world. Fuck my genes. She is such a good, amazing person. The world needs more people with her genes to combat all the badness out there." - an Irish tattoo artist from Las Vegas